Apart from Last House, David played a similar role to Krug in Ruggero Deodato's 1978 film "House on the Edge of the Park" (which we will be visiting here at some point) and again in the fantastic film "Hitch-Hike", opposite Italian cinema God, Franco Nero, Hitch-Hike in particular is well worth a viewing. Nobody quite did nihilistic unsympathetic bad guys like David, but for both of us he'll be remembered as the guest star at the horror film festival in Welwyn Garden City who suddenly whipped out an acoustic guitar to do a fairly impromptu run through the hit record he wrote "Speedy Gonzales" and one of the songs he wrote for Elvis Presley "I Got Stung" (I have a feeling he may have also written "All Shook Up" for Elvis too, though I may be wrong), as well as a variety of others including some from the Last House soundtrack. He answered all questions from the crowd about his movies in good humour, but it was when Jason started asking questions about his music career that he really seemed to perk up an extra notch and his love for music was clearly apparent. Although my memory of the whole day is a little hazy (it was at least 10 years ago), I seem to remember that we went and bothered him several times during the day and he was more than happy to have a chat and made time to talk anyone who wanted to have a few words with him. So rest in peace David, you are a legend and my Last House soundtrack cd has been played in your honour as I write this.
Now then....
5th Sitting:
Don't Go In The Woods, 1981 83mins (NTSC): Successfully Prosecuted
Soooo, here we are finally back and we are watching Code Red's region 0, open matt 1.33:1 ratio, 25th anniversary edition of James Bryan's Don't Go In The Woods (it's the US edition, I personally would avoid the UK DVD, as the one I originally purchased seemed to have an authoring fault and was missing the entire music soundtrack which, believe me, is vital to you having any chance of making it through this viewing experience awake). I have to say that writing this I had to double check my facts; it is shocking enough that this could have ended up in the DPP's 72, but to obtain a successful prosecution is just unbelievable....
Basically what we have is a classic four-go-camping-up-a-mountain while somebody offs anybody setting foot on the hillside (and believe me there are a coach-load of ramblers up there to be off'd), while some incompetent hick cops occasionally try to work out what's going on. Make no mistake, it doesn't come much lower budget than this, (although it was shot on 35mm film as opposed to 16mm, and the quality of the DVD print is pretty damn great), but there is something weirdly unique about the viewing experience. The first couple of times I watched this I have to admit that I was a bit tired and had a few involuntary "nod-offs" during the film, so I assumed that the sort dreamy, not quite sure what's going on, did I miss something somewhere feeling that I experienced was due to a few "micro-naps" that I had during the film. Having now seen this for the third time, totally awake, watching it with Jay in his lounge (we thought we'd treat ourselves to a viewing out of the dank, dark basement), I now realise that the film is actually a triumph in accidental mild psychedelia...
After we've seen a couple of quick kills of random walkers, the four main characters head up the mountain - Craig (humourless outdoor puritan camper), Peter (whining funny-boy reluctant rambler) and two boyish girlfriends (we assume), Joanne and Ingrid. The group then, with the occasional punctuation of random deaths of seemingly endless visitors to the area, walk through the leafy green, woody hillside. Sometimes it's night and they camp, then there is more walking, inane banter, more deaths, an occasional cut to the town below and to the (camp) Laurel and Hardy type cops, more walking, sometimes its night again... The abrupt, swift cuts and editing starts to build until you realise that, although it feels like you've been on the hillside for a couple of weeks, you are only 45 minutes in and the intrepid foursome are only supposed to have been there for a weekend.... more greenery, more walking, more nights? ..even Craig seems to have stopped his nazi-esque dictatorial rambling agenda and has started to joke around and forget all about the health & safety advice he was stuffing down everyone's throats earlier on.... what day is it? The simple, single-synthesizer, soundtrack jumps around and loops about in circles, almost in sympathy to the circles the film and its cast is going in, nothing is linear anymore - suddenly, the group (minus Peter who's been allowed to wander off by the increasingly indifferent Craig) is attacked, someone dies, does it become night again? - I can't remember, Peter finds the remnants of the campsite and an injured Ingrid, they find madman's shack, they find their way down the mountain.... Ingrid's in hospital.... thank god, it's over... Hold on, we're only an hour in, there's still 20 minutes to go (is that right? We've been sat here for days....), nooooooooo!!!! Peter's going back up the mountain to find Joanne......
The sense of time displacement this film generates, both within the storyline and for the person in the room watching the film, is actually quite staggering, building slowly until you're almost experiencing that dreamtime, when half an hour is in reality only 30 seconds, the repetitive greens, the incessent cuts and editing, the synth wolf howls, you'll be wondering if someone's slipped something in your tea..... Knowing that there were quite a few "kills" in the film I thought I'd do a simple "kill count" - just pop a mark down every time someone got off'd and see how many we got. When I got to the end of the film I looked down to see 15 marks, but as I couldn't actually remember making most of them I can't be sure that 15 is an accurate figure for all of the local am-dram, camp as Christmas, cast who lost their lives to the hirsute and beaded mountain-man responsible.... and was one of those really a wheelchair bound rambler who struggled to the top of the mountain, only to lose his head with perfect comic timing 2 seconds into his taking in of the view he'd struggled so hard to see.... or did I dream that? I just don't know anymore..... and yet.... there's something about it ..... I think I enjoyed it..... maybe we should........ watch again......????
One thing I did feel was that, whereas in something like Last House the violence is delivered in a pretty cruel and nasty tone, the violence in DGITW, although fairly frequent and a bit bloody in places, actually feels pretty mild and good humoured (I think I know what I mean) and delivered with barely concealed smiles from the cast and crew. You can pretty much guarantee that everyone involved in this had a ball and were probably all very nice people, if not terribly great actors or special effects wizards. Prosecuting this just seems petty and unfair, and convicting it? Well now that IS cruel and nasty. I can only think the DPP/Judge/Jury/etc. nodded out during the screening and came to halfway through Cannibal Holocaust and handed out the guilty verdict in their confusion.
Right, you're up Jay..... Jay.....? It's over, you're safe now, deep breaths.....
Oh lord! What the f**k was that all about?.....we’re in the woods, its daytime, its night time, its daytime again, its night time……so are those four fellas that are camping in the wood…or…wait are two of them girls? they don’t look like girls but they have girls names…..who is the bloke in the wheelchair?…..why would you go up there in a wheelchair anyway?….oh hang on…we’re in a van with Dick and Cherry….they’re going to have it off…wait no…..Dicks going into the woods ‘alone’…ok, so he’s dead is he?....oh and I think Cherry is dead now….hey its daytime again….and there’s a man who looks like Dave Lee Travis with some beads on his face…..he’s cross about something……oh he’s the killer…..and who are these people, are they the four blokes / girls or…no I think they are new characters…or are they? …doesn’t matter now as they’re dead…..ah at last we’re out of the woods…we’re in a hospital, its over!...no wait we’re all back in the woods again…..there’s DLT…..there’s one of the blokes and someone else and they’re in the woods…doing……something….and the policeman is fat and the other one seems to be a screaming homosexual who has rounded up more homosexuals to search the woods…..oh hang on! …one of the blokes from the beginning has killed DLT….and …..wait….yes that’s the end. Thank Christ.
(Just to note: For a more in-depth and brilliantly written review and background to this and many other odd movies, please check out "Nightmare USA - The Untold Story of the Exploitation Independents" the thoroughly entertaining and informative book by Stephen Thrower on FAB Press.)
